After reading Joanna's post (from Jbreezy's Makeup) about betrayal from a friend...I've decided to put down my feelings into words on the recent happenings in my life. I'm sorry I'm writing about the sad stuff cause this is a beauty blog after all but I just need a place to rant.
I have this err, friend. Well I considered her a friend at the start of the year and we've decided to open an online website selling make up and skincare to the consumers in our little town. Just fine right? But she had to ruin it all. When a friend of hers asked her where she is getting the stocks, she was stupid or naive enough to show her our supplier's website. Now that friend of hers opened her online shop as well! I know having competition is inevitable for business but to stupidly or naively create one yourself? I was speechless when I found out. It took me weeks to get over it. I had to redraw my business plan and everything and she still had the nerve to said she still wanted to be partners and I still have to give her 50% when I started my own business.
But I still got over the whole thing because the only thing I had to lose in the above situation is money and it's not like I'm desperate for my money. Some side income would always be a good thing. The other stuff that has been happening to me are far worse and are taking a toll of my mental wellbeing cause I can't stop thinking and finding fault with myself and everyone who was involved in the situation.
For this semester, I am the leader of 3 groups cause I am the more aggressive and outspoken one out of the whole lot. Just fine again right? Great even. Seriously, I don't mind being a leader. But MOST of my group members are so incompetent that I can't believe they are really university students. For all 3 groups we have to do a presentation on our chosen topics. So far 2 of the groups have really disappointed me and I couldn't lashed out at them cause it will be really unprofessional.
When we present on our topic, we have to fully research our topic and understand it well to answer the questions raised by our audience and we can't rely on our notes/presentation slides. We must always face our audience and not just read out our presentation. For the first group, I admit it was partly my fault cause being a leader I didn't make sure they have the ability to present (well, you know, we are SECOND and THIRD year students). The presentation was disastrous, 2 out of 4 group members read from notes and slides only WITHOUT even making eye contact with the audience and when the questions came, they were unable to answer the part they've presented about and I had to step in to answer the questions. Boy, was I pissed. But I got over it as well even though my marks weren't really what I expected.
The next presentation was yesterday, I held a meeting to rehearse our presentation. I checked all their notes and made sure they understood their parts. During the rehearsal, I noticed that the group members still relied too much on their notes (which are not cue cards mind you but big pieces of note papers) so I told them to refrain on reading the notes. Fine, just fine. But when the presentation came...they did as they were told, no reading from their notes, it was much, much worse than that! They had their back to the audience the entire time they were presenting and just read from our power point slides without even any elaboration and examples. I was like...WHAT THE FUCK?! After finishing the presentation, us as a whole group went to the lecturer for feedback and she told us that she was really disappointed in us and could see we didn't really put in any effort to prepare for our presentation. I wanted to scream right there and then.
The peer review given by one group was really low as well cause that group had a grudge against me for asking a question during their presentation. The question I asked was "What strategy would you recommend for your example company?" and they couldn't answer it. Sigh... I'm surrounded by R-tards. I know I sound all arrogant when I'm writing all these... But seriously, they don't act like university students to me.
The last group was by far the worst one. A group member kept on getting AWOL on me and the work they gave me was... not of a really high level. Can you even believe some of my group members still don't know how to reference their work? I have to act like a fucking nanny to them and kept on reminding them their work is due, the silly mistakes they have made and the meetings they have to go to. For the first half of the semester, I was this angry little creature, creating a negative and sad vibe wherever I go. My parent was so sick of my complaining and crying. I couldn't sleep at night too.
Some of you might just say "Just chill, girl. It's just some grades." But I don't want to disappoint my parents. I don't want to waste the expensive fee they're paying for my education. Although it's not my choice to attend university but I still want to do good in it. But the most important thing is, I don't want to fail because of somebody's incompetencies. Right now, I'm just trying to convince myself it's just pure bad luck meeting all my group members and I should take it with a grain of salt and move on. Even if I fail, I will just have to start the unit all over again and work harder.
I do realized that maybe 85% of the world's population would gladly change life with me as my problems are really mundane compared to starvation, wars, diseases, natural disasters (bless those in Philippines) and all the horrible things happening around the world. But still... this mental part of me just wouldn't let it go. Not yet. It's not healing fast enough.
What do you guys think? Do you have any advice? Am I being too whiny? Should I still be all nice and professional or just ignore them? Have you ever come across these kinds of situations/
P.S.: It really made me appreciate the friends I had in New Zealand more especially Huei Yin, Grace and Jim. I'm sorry I haven't been in contact for a while now but I'm too screwed up and tired to pretend to be happy anymore. Sorry.